remembering my Gone-to-Soon.

i remember you today…
my tiny one, my Gone-to-Soon,
my little Sparrow.

i remember you today…
when i’m told “Happy Mother’s Day!”
as people see me with your sister.
i hold her hand in my right;
my other hand Empty.
my heart holding you.

i remember you today…
and that Moment when i first knew
my body held yours.
that Moment? deep down, i was scared–
the responsibility of Life is heavy.
the weight of Love is overwhelming.

i remember you today…
and how my tears ran,
my body– how it bled for you.
in that Moment, i was changed.
i would have done Anything–Everything–
to keep you, but there was Nothing i could do
except to let my body let you go;
for me to sob and grieve you
and let Jesus hold you– instead of me.

i remember you today..
and the ten weeks my body held you
and the thirty it didn’t…
it changed my heart.
it broke my heart.
i will never be the same.

i remember you today…
my coffee bean baby, my little Love:
and how you–You–made me a Momma.

today, i want to thank you.
thank you so much for the Honor–
for the Privilege– of carrying you.
i am a different Momma–
i am a better Momma–
because i was a Momma to you First.

i love you, my tiny one,
my Gone-to-Soon,
my little Sparrow.

written mother’s day, may the 11th 2014.

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