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i’m a middle child. are you?


12 Aug

Posted in christianity, quotations | 1 Comment »

i’m the oldest child in my family.

i was actually the only child for 9 years, a month, and a day.  (not that i was counting.)

yet, i have come to a realization that i am most definitely a middle child.  maybe not in personality type.  and maybe not in my immediate family…

but i am in God’s.

by that, i’m not saying that i’m a neglected child, smooshed between more spiritually successful older siblings and the youngest children with all the drama (that we think, somehow, take up more of God’s attention).

although, let’s be honest… i sometimes feel ignored.

does that sound heretical?

there are times that i have prayed for guidance… and prayed… and prayed.

there are times when i have waited… and waited… and waited.

there are times that all i wanted was to see God make things clear.  you know, in a good way.  as in, doors fly open and you soar through and people throw confetti and pop corks and blow kisses and it’s all great.

then again, maybe God knows that i’m a bit of a skeptic and would doubt the whole thing by repeating to myself the motto i learned when i was little: “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.”

(thanks, mom. :) )

my clarity seems to come in slamming doors, complete with sound effects and painful jolts.  but hey, clarity is clarity.  one can’t complain.  (okay, they can.  and i do.  but that’s another post.)

however, i firmly believe that slammed doors are better than revolving ones.

(at least then, you know.  and yes.  it’s hard.  sometimes ridiculously hard.  but the grieving process can begin.  and play its course.  and end.)

revolving doors play with your hopes and your head.  you don’t know whether to go ahead or to go back.  you don’t know where to alot your mindspace, because you don’t want to invest it in options that aren’t going to work… in things that aren’t sure.

and if revolving doors weren’t obnoxious enough, there are times you feel like life is a massive game of monkey-in-the-middle.

oh, i hated that game.  even when i wasn’t in the middle, i hated that game– because even if i personally wasn’t in the middle, i always felt bad for the guy who was.

why?

because… i knew how much i personally hated the middle position.  and if it weren’t for the fact that getting him out of the middle meant putting me in it, i would have thrown the ball right at the guy for him to catch and get his torture over with.

middle isn’t fun.

and, right now, that’s where i’m at.

the other day, my friend posted an article from world magazine that talked about the middle condition… and i clicked… and towards the end of the article, i found this jewel of a thought by the author:

“i do wonder if, of all places, God is a God of the middle. if this is where He meets us the best. in the times when we’re neither here nor there. those waiting times where the diagnosis isn’t in yet or the house won’t sell or the man in charge can’t decide if he wants to offer you a job or not. those times where we have exhausted our own resources and have no choice but to sit in silence . . . and listen.”

and i realized something.

yes, i’m a middle child.

but that doesn’t mean that God is ignoring me, and deciding to impart His direction and attention in his other children.  or, as i sometimes (wrongly) think, God is not maliciously playing games with my life and hopes and dreams by keeping the ball of certainty just over my head and out of my grasp.

no, middle isn’t fun.  because the middle means revolving doors, and uncertainty, and waiting (waitingwaitingwaiting)…

but, unlike what i used to believe, and unlike what i currently feel, middle isn’t the worst thing in the world.

especially if it puts me in the position and aligns me in the perfect placement for me to meet Him best.

(to read the original world magazine article, read “in the middle.”)

quotation of the day: 07.13.10


13 Jul

Posted in christianity, quotations | 3 Comments »

being picked is a beautiful thing.  but i also know beautiful things are frightening. when something beautiful happens it’s sometimes like an amputation, like your heart is being cut out with a knife. you don’t ever think when you are in extreme pain that you are being saved, chosen, picked for relationship, set aside to be loved. you can never really believe pain. it’s almost always something beautiful transitioning to something better, the whole time masquerading as a tragedy.”

don miller

my religion. your rules?


12 Jul

Posted in christianity, random thoughts & happenings | No Comments »

if you read my post on pre-, mid-, or post-chip prayer preferences, you know that i mentioned that the idea sprung from a sermon illustration from my pastor.

i couldn’t post the link to the sermon then, because it takes a couple of days for it to become available… but it’s made its way online now.

right now, people (especially youngish current [or former] fundamentalists) are beginning to question rules in religion.

are there supposed to be rules where there is supposed to be relationship?

can (and do) man’s guidelines for life, worship, etc., go against God?

although it’s impossible for a 35 minute sermon to answer these questions to their fullest extent, i believe the sermon begins to tackle these heavy questions in an open-minded and gospel-centric way.

please.  take a listen.

in the valley…


04 Jul

Posted in christianity, poetry | No Comments »

my life circumstances, as of late, do not produce what we typically think of as stability.  especially of the mental, emotional, and financial kind.

however, i am learning, day by day, that it does produce another form of security… of the spiritual, faith-building type.

stories like joseph, and job, etc., are always great examples to look at and learn from, but i also find that psalms (of the Bible) and songs (written by people much more gifted and/or spiritually mature than myself) are also great encouragements to me.

“in the valley” is no exception.

when You lead me to the valley of vision,
i can see You in the heights.
and though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision,
it’s here Your glory shines so bright.
so let me learn that the cross precedes the crown,
to be low is to be high,
that the valley’s where You make me more like Christ.

let me find Your grace in the valley.
let me find Your life in my death.
let me find Your joy in my sorrow,
Your wealth in my need.
that You’re near with every breath–
in the valley.

in the daytime there are stars in the heavens,
but they only shine at night;
and the deeper that i go into darkness,
the more i see their radiant light.
so let me learn that my losses are my gain,
to be broken is to heal,
that the valley’s where Your power is revealed.

let me find Your grace in the valley.
let me find Your life in my death.
let me find Your joy in my sorrow,
Your wealth in my need.
that You’re near with every breath–
in the valley.

just fyi: i’m a post-chipper.*


28 Jun

Posted in christianity, humor, photos, random thoughts & happenings | 1 Comment »

maybe you’ve been there…

you’ve made a new Christian friend and you decide to go out to dinner.

you find yourself and your company pulled up at a restaurant called  el mojacete, el paco, las tequilas, bonitas tacos or something.  after being called senoritas and/or senors (hopefully correctly corresponding to your particular gender), you slide yourself into a comfy booth and place your drink orders.  and faster than you can say “aye carumba,” a basket of tortilla chips and bowls of salsa goodness slide across the laminate eating surface.

then it comes…

the eye glances down to the (hopefully) fresh and warm chips.

the finger twitches towards the (hopefully) cilantro-laden mexican sauce.

you sit and smile at each other, and study the non-verbals of your i’ve-never-eaten-mexican-food-with-you Christian acquaintance.

inevitably, out of sheer hunger (or the uncomfortable silence), your company eventually:

1) reaches for a chip

or

2) bows his/her head

either way, the awkwardness is broken and you now know the answer to a very important question:

whether or not your friend is a pre- or post-chip prayer person.

both habits have merit…

pre-chippers take the rule of praying for food and apply it to eating in general; which means that, to practice this interpretation correctly, prayer must be exercised for anything that is considered edible.  this would mean that prayer is a prereq before consuming chips & salsa.  (this rule may or may not apply to snacks throughout the day as well.)

post-chippers interpret the praying for food rule to praying before eating meals. now, the word “meals” is also open for interpretation.  appetizers, generally, are considered part of a formal meal when they are paid for and/or require significant waiting or effort to serve and/or eat.  appetizers like chips & salsa, rolls, and peanuts are not paid and wait-for appetizers and therefore do not officially make it into the “meal” category… so they are free to consume without prayer.  (this group would also not typically pray before snacks, unless the snacks are really large and/or this particular believer has skipped a major meal throughout the day.)

of course, there is the occasional mid-chip prayer person.  they dig in, and you think your safe.  you think to yourself, “oh, my new friend is post-chip… no prob.”  and then, half-way through the basket, they jump like they’ve been shot and say, “oh my WORD!  we totally forgot to pray.”  in this instance, you–if you are post-chip–can try and explain your personal tortilla chip prayer strategy (“oh.  i didn’t forget.  i normally pray when either 1) the first basket is done.  or 2) when the food comes.  whichever comes first… you know, kinda like the whole 3,000 miles/3 months oil change thing.”) or just go along with them (“OH YES!), hurriedly bow your head, and make a mental note that this friend is a forgetful pre-chip person.

(mid-chipping can also happen when the group is post-chip, but the food doesn’t come out at the same time.  after prayer, the my-food-is-here people can go ahead and eat without their food getting cold, and the other normal post-chippers can continue snacking until their fajitas are finished cooking.)

personally, i think that mexican-food eating could be a lot easier if these terms could become mainstream in Christian culture.

take the following scenario.  you and your friend sit in the booth.  the chips & salsa are delivered.

you: hey, i’m post-chip.

your friend:  eh, i’m more of a pre-chipper myself.

you:  hey, no prob.  let’s pray.

you bow.  you pray.  you chip.

there is no awkwardness, no analyzation, and all can eat, drink, and be merry.

until the “meal” comes.

because whether or not you are pre-, post-, or a mid-chip person, you’ll still be full by the time the burritos are served.

*btw, the post was inspired by an illustration by my pastor… i’m all about giving create to where create is due.  :)

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