a simple life… one step closer

Posted on by
Reply

last week, i posted a link to download a free book called organized simplicity.  (i’m not sure if the link still works now, but you are more than welcome to try… :) )

well, i’m only a few chapters in, but i’m really enjoying the process.  (the hard part is you have to organize your life at least enough to find the time to keep reading about how to organize it…)

something that i LOVE about the book is that, before telling me to organize my closet, it asks me to figure out my purpose.  the whole point is that you have to live and strive for what simplicity is for you and your family– not someone else’s.  a simple life is first found by figuring out what values, goals, and achievements are important to your family– and then focusing what can best achieve those things (and getting rid of things that don’t).

b & i just hammered our purpose statement last night and honestly, it’s really refreshing!  it’s great to have a framework to work with and see what our common goals are as a couple (and hopefully later with our kids).  in the next couple of days, we are going to write out our immediate goals to help us accomplish our purpose… and that’s exciting.

honestly, even though my stuff isn’t organized yet, i feel great about how we are doing this– it allows us to remember why we are doing this when we make the painful decision to get rid of something, or sacrifice something we want now to allow us to get something we want even more later.

i would really encourage anyone to this purpose step– even if your closet is clean.  b & i had a really great time talking through some of the thought-provoking questions in the book and learned a lot about each other and what we really wanted.  besides that, seeing the big picture of why we do what we do is a gigantic breath of fresh air.

(just as an example, b & i decided that our purpose as a family should focus on the over-arching commandment to love God and others.  the four main ways we decided we could/should do this was through strong communication, true hospitality, academic & artistic expression, and responsible stewardship.  we took some time to further define how that would look for us and our family… but i’ll spare you those details. :) )

 

 

in my head…

Posted on by
Reply

this song found its way in my head while i was washing my hair this morning.

i know that i’ve posted the lyrics of it before, but thought i’d actually share a clip that you’d be able to hear.  the words are so precious to me, but the music– the music just completes it.  (especially dan forrest’s arrangement.)

Lord Of The Small

(to download the song, or the album it is on, click here.)

missing milestones

Posted on by
1

every day, i think about the baby that’s gone.

some days, the thoughts are future-focused and positive: one day… i’ll see him.  one day… we’ll meet him.  one day… heaven will be both of our homes.

some days, the thoughts are bittersweet and mixed: a balance of loss for me, and gain for him.  i think about my present here on earth, and how different his present is in heaven.  i wonder what heaven is like, and the clarity of life our baby has compared to us– left seeing darkly.

but there are some days that the sadness seeps in and fills the crevices of my soul… and portions of my heart crave so much to feel my baby inside of me and prepare a place for him in my arms and home.

some days are a mixture of all three.

this morning, was a “present” day– i thought about the weather in heaven and how it had to contrast with this rainy dreary monday.

but my “present” thoughts have turned to grief again.

there are a couple of friends that are pregnant right now– their due dates being just 48 hours in either direction from where mine would have been.  seeing my facebook stream updating with “going to the doctor tomorrow!  hoping for a boy!” and countdowns to gender discovery prick this mother’s heart.

they prick so hard.

oh, it isn’t that i don’t want to know about their babies.  it isn’t that i don’t think they should be quiet about the children they carry.  on the contrary, they should celebrate the life inside them with all the excitement they can muster.

i’m happy for them… i really, really am.

but it’s those milestones that make me miss him.

i never even really got to see one of the most important milestones of all: the beat of his heart.  i only felt my heart break in the silence where his beat should have been.

i feel the grief at this milestone, too– and i can’t help but think that i should be able to see my baby’s movement on a screen.  i should be getting to know for sure if i’m a mother of a son or daughter.  that i should be able to feel the kicks and watch my stomach expand and purchase maternity clothes.

it’s at the milestones that i feel robbed somewhat.

i know this will pass– the temporary flair of feeling that God is unjust; for in reality, the baby was never mine…

but in the meantime, i think its okay to mourn my milestones– as long as i let God hold me in my sorrow as i miss them.

He knows the breath-taking pain that comes from empty arms.

for He, too, has lost a Child.

 

life ain’t no picnik

Posted on by
Reply

when i was told that our time together would be cut short, i was in disbelief.

i thought that we’d be together forever.

when i first met you, i didn’t recognize you for what you were.  sure, i’d have fun with you occasionally.  i didn’t see the potential you had.  i didn’t know how you’d weave your way into my life– and i fell in love.

soon, every picture i took had you in it:

the impromptu shots with friends.

the staged pictures of forced smiles.

you even made your way into several of my wedding portraits…

you were always there when i needed you:

when it was cloudy, you were the only one who could brighten the day.

when life was a blur, you brought focus.

when i was all washed out, color came back in a click with you, dear picnik.

but now, in just a few short months, you’ll be gone.

oh sure, some won’t miss you… but those elitists with the fancy $500 programs and 4 year graphic design degrees never even gave you a chance.  but, in your last days, don’t let their sighs of good riddance discourage you.  you gave people of all ages endless joys; from the jr highers and their love of ridiculous fonts to the slightly older crowd that loved your teeth whitening and instant 25% weightloss options– you will be mourned greatly.

although the grief of your upcoming departure will hover over my remaining time with you, i will not waste the precious moments i have left.

i will upload and edit until the moment my $25 is refunded to my card and your url rests in peace forever.

oh, picnik.

i love you.

and, if a picture is really worth 1,000 words…

you are literally worth millions of words to me.

see?! it's true... <<sniff sniff>>